An Alice Tale

Chewing on a piece of grass, walking down the road ... it was an American moment. A pony and a goat where in their meadow staring out over the fence. The sun was shining. A free wind was blowing through my hair ... Seasons crying no despair ... Not an alligator lizard in the air ...

A child and her mother were talking to a lady holding the reins of a large horse. Peaceful moments in a wonderful world. My grandson and I strolled past, literally as he was in a stroller, with smiles and a wave. They remarked on how beautiful he is and I returned the compliment to the horse. We pushed on down the road to the spot where the neighbourhood's vicious dog resides. Brandon wanted to go on but his wise grandmother turned around and with two firm hands made a tactical retreat back the way we had come. The woman with the horse saluted us as we passed. The dog that lives on the small holding felt an urge to lick a small boy and, being a dog, acted on the urge. The lady politely wiped the wet cheek and started a conversation, I suspect as a form of apology for the zealous friendliness of the dog.

We chatted about the wonder of spring. The geese they had farmed for Thanksgiving. Organic farming pros and cons, free range eggs, goat cheese, the flavours of organic fruit and other topics drifted in and out of the conversation.
Looking down at the little girl I said:
"I remember when she was a tiny little baby."
"She was sweet, wasn't she," responded the mother.
"It's amazing how fast they grow," I remarked thinking of the little one who was my walking companion.
"Yes," she said. "And they put on weight so quickly. I've been surprised."
"Well it varies," I was a little puzzled.
"Only a little," she went on.
"I suppose so," I glanced down at the petite child playing in the dirt.
"She got up to 175 very quickly."
My eyes widened as I darted a look at the girl. It was impossible that she weighed 175 pounds. Perhaps her Mom was referring to centimetres or something - rapid calculation ... she would be taller than I am .. so not centimetres.
The next words out of the woman's mouth had me feeling a little odd.
"But then we got 100 pounds off her."
My god, I thought to myself, she had weighed 175 pounds and they had got her down to 75! The Alice sensation grew stronger. I glanced nervously around expecting to see a Cheshire cat behind my shoulder; or Johnny Depp leaping along a table being chased by a dormouse.
"You got 100 pounds!" I sort of exclaimed, my nerves were being taxed and I positioned myself between the woman and my grandson.
"We ate some of it but most of it is still in the freezer."
My hand trembled as I started dialling 911 on my cell.
"I could let you have some the next time."
My heart beats rushed up to 163 per minute. My brow was wet. Visions of every horror story I had ever heard, read or seen in a movie rushed through my thoughts.

"I guess some people wouldn't eat a pig they had known but we've taught the children that is what they are for."
"OH a PIG!" I almost shouted the words out.
The woman stepped back a little and called her daughter to her side.
"We've got an apple for the pony," I hastily told her trying to calm her down as I saw her fumbling for her cell phone. "Can the little one give it to him?"
"Yes," she said. "Come on," she took her daughter by the hand. "The roast must be ready. Have a good evening."

We fed the pony and slowly made out way home. I threw the pork chops I had frozen into the dustbin. Pork is off the menu.

The woman now waves nervously at me from behind the safety of a window.

I am rereading Alice with a more sympathetic understanding.

PS: Can you guess where the opening words are from? No googling allowed!